She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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