You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
