i already hear my dad disowning me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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