this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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