i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
