Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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