My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need water and some morals
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
