Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
