Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
