how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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