my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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