I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
