eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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