Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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