Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
