i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
