I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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