apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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