Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize