Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
