member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
