Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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