my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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