i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
