I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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