i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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