the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
