I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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