Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't put those talents on a resume
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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