Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
