brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
