i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
