I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
