how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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