And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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