so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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