Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
