yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
they need to just BURY HIM!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
