yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
