Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
