Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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