hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just gargled with NyQuil
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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