I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
