you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
