Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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