it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
