im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
