Just cropdusted the office
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.