is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
