Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.