There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.