I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in