Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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