I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize