I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
