Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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