Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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