He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
