Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
