Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
