I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
