we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
