hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
