Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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