I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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