I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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