did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
