Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
