dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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