Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
should my penis look like a turkey
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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