I need to stop coming to work sober
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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