Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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