I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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