Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
