well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
