I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
