careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
