So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
