Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
