I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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