Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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